My friend built a house for her family but the society frowns at it because she is a female. Just because she isn’t a male, you hear comments such as; “where did she get the money?”, “she wants to show off her wealth” ,”she’s not in the right position to do this” and other kind of demeaning comments.
In some African societies or let me say the construct(s) in some communities in Africa , men are expected to perform some (major) duties and feats or achievements while women are meant to be at the backstage. A woman who is successful goes through a lot of criticism especially when she isn’t married. Why does the society find it difficult to celebrate and appreciate successful (African) women just the way men are celebrated?
A woman’s achievement is rather measured by her marital status, is she single or married? If she’s single, the society believes her money isn’t ‘legit’ and if she’s married, the society believes her husband made her. How long will this belief cloud our judgment? When do we begin to realise that women can achieve as much or more than their male counterparts ?
I realised that liberal feminist are fair enough. You know why? Many women have had to put up with a lot of criticism even in the 21st century. As a man, if you don’t support your wife and and you speak ill of her because she is succeeding more than you are, in my opinion, you are “less of a man”. The situation notwithstanding; whether she is more successful than you are or not, you need to “man up” as a man and take up responsibility.
Your wife is your support system and don’t get hurt by/with/about her success instead acknowledge and manage her-your wife’s success, don’t give up as you work towards your (own) success. This (alone) is (app)laudable.
Inability to acknowledge and manage the success of one’s spouse will trigger chaos and ultimately divorce.
In this case when a man refuses to acknowledge and manage his wife’s success, (constantly) feels threatened by his wife’s success and repeatedly allows third-party (parents and/or peers) to meddle, such a man is setting the hurdles that could likely ruin his household.
Guess what? acknowledging and managing the success of one’s wife has little or nothing to do with your academic qualifications, age and/or skin colour. We have academics that are unable to manage their wives’ success. I believe that acknowledging and managing success of one’s wife is a function of SOUND MIND. In my opinion, a sound mind is mind free from bitterness; a mind of its own feeling of completeness. Simply put, a mind free of animosity.
This reminds me of a story. Can I tell you a true life story? I know you will like to know what it is about. It is a story about what transpired between a couple. It happened many years ago, Wole travelled to Canada for greener pastures. Later on, he came back to Nigeria and got married to his heartthrob. Shortly after he married Bisi, he travelled back to Canada with his wife-Bisi. They are blessed with 3 children.
What happened next? Bisi secured a job and earned a lot more than her husband, Wole. Then the problem started! Wole informed his parents about the issue, thereafter the families began to harbour hatred towards each other. Wole’s mother accused Bisi’s mother of witchcraft, she claimed her son’s destiny was used by Bisi’s family. How ridiculous!
To cut the story short, Bisi struggled to save her marriage for many years but Wole was bent of divorcing her, having the stern support of his family. Eventually they got a divorce however Bisi was given the full custody of their children because she has all it takes to cater for them. After some years , Bisi remarried a Canadian while Wole is still single.
This however could have been avoided if Wole was willing to acknowledge, support and manage his wife rather than getting the third party involved in his marital affairs. This amongst numerous cases is the cause of divorce in this generation. Inability to acknowledge and manage spouse’s success, trivial issues and bitter ego among others are the reasons for many hurdles in matrimony. This narrows down to our society, the African society frowns at divorce but relentlessly triggers divorce!