On Thursday, Jan. 21’s all-new Total Bellas, Nikki Bella opened up about the postpartum struggles she faced after Matteo Chigvintsev’s birth. The former WWE wrestler found herself on the verge of a breakdown after fiancé Artem Chigvintsev departed to film Dancing With the Stars.

Having encouraged Artem to return to the popular dancing competition, Nikki felt conflicted over her feelings of wanting him home.

Nikki confided in twin Brie Bella, “I just feel confused ’cause I’m a new mom and, for some reason, thought I can handle it or do it all.”

As she continued, Nikki revealed that she was “going through so much” and it was hard seeing Artem so happy away.

“There’s a part of me that wants to discipline him for it,” Nikki added before tearing up. “It’s been so f–king hard. I’m trying to keep it together and…I’m about to lose it. I’m about to have a massive breakdown.”

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Apparently, even Nikki’s doctor was worried about her postpartum depression as she suggested medicating the Total Bellas star.
“So, the other day, my doctor was telling me people fall deep into postpartum depression and that she was worried about me,” Nikki told the Total Bellas camera. “Because, she knows as a woman where our minds can be. The highs and lows are so extreme.”

Per Nikki, one thing could lead her down a “dark hole.”

While Brie encouraged her sister to be honest about her struggles, Nikki said she couldn’t give Artem a “hard time” as she encouraged him to take the job.

A supportive Brie inquired, “Is there a way you guys can balance this all out? But, what is it you need from him? Because, there’s obviously something missing.”

Nikki’s answer: “I need him.”
In addition to needing help with Matteo, Nikki was overwhelmed by their upcoming move to Napa Valley. To make matters worse, Nikki shared that she wasn’t sleeping.

She commented, “I’m just so tired.”

Furthermore, she admitted to feeling jealous about Artem’s chemistry with dance partner Kaitlyn Bristowe.

“It’s not about her and him. Like, I don’t have a fear of Artem going off. That’s not it,” she explained to Brie and Daniel Bryan. “It’s wanting what she’s getting from him. Can he come home and laugh with me? Can he come home and ask me how I’m doing? Like, I want to feel wanted and sexy.”

Rather than tell her fiancé her needs, Nikki wanted Artem to just “do it.”